1. What to do if you are bereaved during the Coronavirus Pandemic Thoughts and ideas to help you feel less alone Expand We are so very sorry you have lost someone dear to you at this very difficult moment in our national life. Whether they have died of Coronavirus or another way, you are facing something unimaginable and unprecedented which will leave you feeling devastated and powerless. We hope that the few thoughts and ideas below will help you to feel less alone and know that people care. 1. Reach out Although you may not be able to see people in person, please reach out to as many people as possible at this time using the phone, text, or internet if it is available to you. Grief is hard at the best of times but grieving in isolation will feel much worse. 2. Tell people how you are feeling. Whilst you cannot change what has happened, talking can often ease the pain and could help you to cope. Bereavement can make us feel lonely and fearful and the current situation is likely to make you feel particularly so. These are natural thoughts and feelings which will be shared by many around the country at this difficult time and you are not weak or a failure for experiencing them. 3. Don’t feel bad about feeling angry or guilty. These are also very normal feelings in bereavement and may be particularly present now. You may feel angry that you were not able to support the person or save them when they needed people most. You may feel guilty about not having been able to visit or spend valuable time with them recently. Tell others how you are feeling. Expressing strong feelings can reduce their power. And try to remember that you couldn’t have imagined the happenings of recent times so you cannot be blamed for not managing to travel or visit. Try also to remember what you have done that made them happy. If you would like to talk to a GriefChat counsellor you can do so through this website. Click here. 4. Take good care of yourself. Eat well and try to get some fresh air or sunlight each day - also some rest and exercise. If you can't go out open a window or do some exercise in your home 5. Try to keep to a regular routine. This could be hard but it can make a huge difference keeping to a regular routine of getting up and dressed and eating meals at the usual time. 6. Ask for practical help. Bereavement can be overwhelming at the best of times. Let people know - friends, family or neighbours - what they can do to help. It may be that someone can bring you shopping or a nutritious meal or something else you need or would like. Or perhaps there are people who can help you with admin, funeral arrangements and informing others. 7. Spoil yourself where you can. You may not be able to go outside but think what might be a treat within the home. Life may feel like it is caving in but it is still worth living. 8. Protect yourself from further distress. You might find it easier to avoid or limit watching or reading the news at the moment, especially if you are feeling overwhelmed - and to choose to watch on the television something that you are familiar with that you usually enjoy. 9. Find some jobs to do around the home or garden (if you have one). At times when you have the energy, try to do some of your household jobs, no matter how small. It can help to see things becoming orderly and also to have times when you are doing usual things. 10. Don’t feel bad about struggling. Lots of people are struggling at this time and it is particularly understandable that you will be. Reach out to others especially when you are feeling bad and definitely if you are feeling that life is not worth living. Try to pick up the phone and say so. 11. Seek help from bereavement support services, especially those related to your loss. Take a look at the bereavement support services found on this website. By using the filters you will be able to find the services that can particularly help with your loss. There is a lot of useful information on websites you could read. Contact as many relevant organisations as you can to benefit from their specialist or locally provided help, and to find people who can relate to what you are going through. 12. Go with the flow. Try to allow yourself to accept all the various feelings and reactions that come up and not to stifle or deny them. Be assured that whatever you are feeling and doing and however that changes, it will be normal and will, in due course, settle down. Useful helplines and links: Have a look at this short film on grief produced by the Loss Foundation. It will help you to understand what grief is and make sense of what you might be experiencing. If you are feeling depressed you might find this short film on depression and advice on managing it helpful. See the resources section on this website which has many helpful reads about grief, how to help children and teenagers, reflective material, questions about faith in bereavement, and many other subjects that will support you on your bereavement journey. You may find the British Psychological Society leaflet about supporting yourself and others following bereavement during the Coronavirus lockdown useful. Find the leaflet HERE
2. How to help someone bereaved during the Coronavirus pandemic Support for those supporting a bereaved person at this time and a short film to share Expand If you know someone who has been bereaved at this time they need your help. We have prepared below an easy to remember summary of what you can do both in film and written form. Do refer people to these pages and this film (you could share from our social media) so that as many people as possible get to hear how they can help: CONTACT Dare to get in touch. The bereaved need support - but most people step back for fear of not knowing what to say. Send a card, letter, message, flowers or gift, saying you are sorry about their loss and thinking of them, sharing (if you knew the person) your photos, what you remember of the person and how they will be missed. Say you don’t expect them to respond. Call Phone (don't video call). Be aware they may not want to answer when you do. If so, leave a message, saying you’ll call again and when and that it’s okay not to pick up. Make sure you do, and continue, leaving a message as before. Offer practical help Shopping, meals, dog walking, gardening - whatever daily tasks might be possible for you to do. Make suggestions about what and when, rather than expect them to think and approach you. Even at a distance you could do admin or phone people for them. LISTEN Don’t think that you know. Every bereavement is different and reactions are likely to change. Even if you’ve been bereaved yourself or been trained in grief you don’t know what this person is going through or what they’re experiencing now. Ask. Ask about the person who has died and what happened, and about their feelings and issues. Listen carefully and ask again and again. The more they tell their story, the more they will process their loss. Don’t give solutions. Your ideas of what will make them feel better are yours and not theirs and assuring them that time will heal or things will improve may belittle what they are facing now. Hear the problems and reactions. Say they are normal and acknowledge their pain. BLESS Shower with good things. Continually say, do and give things that make the grieving person feel special and loved. This can make life feel worth living. Ensure it’s not just you. Make sure others are around supporting too and that the person finds as much other help as possible, especially from specialist services (find services through this website) Finding peer support can be really helpful and seeing that those people are ‘surviving’ can often bring genuine hope. Keep it up. Be prepared to support for the long haul. The grief journey is usually long and can be complicated. It will often get worse before it gets better, but most support will drop away after a few weeks. Use this as your opportunity to find out more about how to be alongside the person through all of their grief journey and pain (see the resources page on this website). If you need support in doing this please do contact the on-line professional counselling support, GriefChat via this website. The British Psychological Society have produced this leaflet about supporting yourself and others following bereavement during the Coronavirus lockdown. Find the leaflet HERE
3. UK funerals during the Coronavirus pandemic Advice and support if you are arranging a funeral Expand Planning Funerals as at 10th June 2020 - Subject to change in different parts of the country While funerals have currently been excluded from the ban on events taking place, funeral services are tightly restricted to minimise the risk of transmitting Covid-19 between those in attendance, funeral directors and crematoria staff. It has been agreed that funerals can be held in churches in England from 15th June providing the individual churches can undertake the necessary risk assessment and cleaning. Churches will make their own decisions about hosting funerals in conjunction with the Diocesan office in each case. Funerals in Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland will continue to be held in crematoria for the time being. Numbers attending will likely to be remain limited. Numbers permitted to attend has been 10 in most crematoria during the lockdown from March but is being relaxed in some areas to permit 20 as we ease out of lockdown. Please check with your Funeral Director what the arrangements are in your local crematorium as these now vary across the country and could change again if the infection rate increases. As lockdown rules relax, variations have emerged across the UK, depending on infection rates and also different Government rules in the four countries. If you are currently planning a funeral please be prepared for the following to still apply; Funerals should be arranged over the phone if at all possible. Funeral Directors may currently allow you to be able to permit a visit to the Chapel of Rest although this will be restricted in time and number of visitors. You must comply with any hygiene rules in place and at-risk groups (Persons over the age of 70 years or those of any age with underlying health problems) should not visit. Please note, not all Funeral Directors will permit viewings. There has been a restriction on the use of limousines and during the lockdown these have only been used if there is no alternative option. If used, they will only be used to carry those living in the same household (in line with social distancing guidance) and limiting numbers transported in order to protect the driver. Families are being asked not to publicly advertise the funeral details to reduce the risk of other, well-meaning mourners arriving unexpectedly as they will be turned away at the door, which could be distressing for them and the bereaved family. It may not be possible to dress your loved in his or her own clothes. Family members will not be permitted to carry or touch the coffin. Flowers may not be permitted. During funeral services at this time, mourners will be required to remain two metres apart from anyone not living in their household at all times and to refrain from making physical contact with anyone outside of their own household, including other family members. Social distancing must be observed at all times. All charitable collections will be done online. For more information about arranging funerals during the current situation, please contact your local funeral director. If you are worried about paying for a loved one’s funeral, please visit the Down to Earth website for help and advice. If you live in the Dundee/Fife/Angus/Kinross-shire area of Scotland, please visit www.funerallink.org.uk for help and advice.
4. What to do if you can't attend the funeral Suggestions for being part of the funeral even if you aren't present on the day Expand It is possible that, because of current restrictions, you may be unable to be present at the funeral of your loved one. In normal times, this is not something you could ever have imagined. The death may have taken place at home, or elsewhere in the UK, or indeed overseas, but wherever it occurred you may be finding that you cannot be present at this final and most important moment of farewell. Saying goodbye at a loved one’s funeral is a significant part of our relationship with them. We may dread it, of course, but we still want to be present and to get it ‘right’ as a fitting tribute to all that they were to us. A funeral also plays a very important part in accepting the reality of their death, so it is helpful to be involved and/or to mark the moment however we can. Here are some things you may be able to do i. Choose music It may be possible to choose the music you or your loved one would have liked for the service. ii. Live stream the service Ask your funeral director if the crematorium can live stream the service. This would enable those who can’t attend to feel part of it (yourself perhaps, included). iii. Audio or video record the service It may be possible for a relative who is attending or a member of the funeral director staff to record or video the event. Permission will be needed from the crematorium, but your funeral director will be able to advise. iv. Send a message for reading out You may be able to write or record a message to be read out or played at the funeral by the celebrant or minister. Contact your funeral director for advice. v. Place a message in the coffin You can still place special messages for your loved one in the coffin if you wish. vi. Ask about the funeral If others were able to attend, ask them to call you afterwards so that you can hear their account of the event, and take the time to share your memories of the person. vii. Hold your own memorial at home. Set aside the time while the funeral is taking place (or later) to hold your own act of memorial at home. Perhaps look at pictures, play some of the person’s favourite music, write a message to them, light a candle or follow any of your own cultural rituals. The Church of England website offers a place for lighting and keeping an on-line candle alight for your loved one. There are some helpful suggestions about holding your own memorial service here.
5. How to hold your own memorial Some ideas to celebrate your loved one if you can't attend the funeral Expand In preparation, take the time to think about simple things that would be meaningful both to you and to the person who has died. Try to be creative in small but special ways. Is there something that they really enjoyed that you could include: a piece of music, a treasured photo or memento of happier times, even the scarf from the football team they supported? Is there something you could read about them that reflects who they are? Perhaps you could write about them and have it ready to read out? If you and/or your loved one are Christian, the Church of England website has some suggestions for things you can do as well as prayers that you may find helpful. Select a place where you will sit and be still and decide on the length of time you will be there. If you know when the funeral is to be you may like to hold your memorial at the same time. If you are alone, call a family member or a friend and let them know at what time you will be observing the funeral. They may be willing to ‘join’ you at the same time either with technology, or in spirit wherever they are situated. At the designated time, you could light a small candle to mark the beginning of your ‘presence’ at the funeral. You could write down some thoughts or special memories as they occur to you, or simply speak them out gently, alone or with those who live with you and read out what you have prepared. If there are children in the household, do involve them. Let them prepare drawings or things to say, let them see tears and also laugh at the quirky memories. Answer their questions as truthfully as you can for their age. When you reach the end of your allotted time, say something in conclusion and blow out the candle. There will not, of course be the usual gathering of friends over a cup of tea or a glass of beer, but you could nonetheless make yourself something nice to eat and drink, and share with anyone who is with you or telephone someone you feel close to and invite them to share a few memories with you. It is a sad fact that many people around our country, and indeed the world, are facing the death of a loved one at this moment and so perhaps spare a moment to think of or pray for them as well. We are united in grief and in love, even though we may not know each other personally. Finally, begin to think of what you might do to say goodbye with others in the future. Funeral directors, ministers and celebrants understand the need to say goodbye and are likely to be willing to cooperate with you over your wishes for a special memorial that you could hold with others when it is possible to meet again. You have time to think about this and discuss it with others to ensure it encapsulates all you would want to say about the person and what you would like to do yourselves to say goodbye. You might like to plant a tree, bury or scatter ashes, put up a plaque, create a memory album or hold a service in church. You may not have been able to be at the actual moment of the funeral but your goodbye and marking of their life can be just as meaningful and special.
6. Helplines and useful contacts Helplines you can use and links to helpful websites Expand The NHS has set up an emergency helpline for anyone whose loved one has died in hospital. NHS HelpLine Cruse Freephone National Helpline on 0808 808 1677. FRONTLINE for Key Workers, Emergency Services, Care workers, Health workers Partnership between Shout, Mind, Hospice UK and The Royal Foundation to provide 'Frontline' which offers round-the-clock one-to-one support, by call or text, from trained volunteers, plus resources, tips and ideas to look after your mental health. Call 116 123 from elsewhere in the UK to talk. Or visit the website for full range of services. Samaritans helpline: Phone 116123. Available any time of the day or night. Welsh speakers are also available. The Samaritans website also has advice and resources for looking after your mental health during the Coronavirus pandemic and other ways to get help. Childline on 0800 11 11 for 24-hour confidential support to children and young people up to the 19th birthday. CHILD BEREAVEMENT UK provides helpful support and advice about supporting bereaved children at this difficult time. WINSTONS WISH offers great advice on how to help children at this time. How to tell them someone has died, how to talk to them about the pandemic and also a helpline if you need to ask for advice. CALM on 0800 58 58 58 (5pm-midnight) support men anywhere in the UK. Webchat service also available. CASS on 0808 800 8088 (Mon - Thu from 7pm-10pm) for women looking for confidential and anonymous self-injury support. PAPYRUS on 0800 068 4141 (Weekdays from 10am-10pm, Weekends from 2pm-10pm and Bank Holidays from 2pm-5pm) for confidential advice and support. Young Minds on 85258 for 24/7 crisis support. Text YM to 85258. (Texts are free from EE, O2, Vodafone, 3, Virgin Mobile, BT Mobile, GiffGaff, Tesco Mobile and Telecom Plus) Dying Matters have also launched the #BeforeTheirTime campaign, to enable people to share experiences, talk through concerns and share social media messages of solidarity at this difficult time.
7. Supporting children through the Coronavirus pandemic What to say to children and how to support them if they are bereaved. Expand Frightening events widely reported in the media, such as the coronavirus pandemic, can cause children to worry about themselves and others. It is normal for children to feel unsettled when something scary is happening or has happened, and many will be upset, sad or fearful at times. Children who have been bereaved are likely to show a stronger reaction and may worry that they or someone they know will die. Here is a lovely little film produced by the Belfast Trust about helping young children to say goodbye when they have lost someone during the Coronavirus pandemic. Useful resources There are several articles and videos on BBC Newsround aimed at children which are regularly updated, including questions children are asking about going back to school. The following stories are particularly relevant. Coronavirus: What is being done to tackle the virus? Coronavirus: Elbow bumps and footshakes – alternative handshakes Coronavirus: Your questions answered Coronavirus: Keep it simple, stick to facts – how parents should tell kids We have found this free information book explaining the Coronavirus to children, illustrated by Gruffalo illustrator Axel Scheffler. Free for anyone to read on screen or print out (but with an invitation to donate to NHS charities), the book is all about the coronavirus and the measures taken to control it in language suitable for 5-9 year olds. Here's the link to download it. Coronavirus: A book for children Child Bereavement UK offers advice about supporting children through the pandemic. You can view their short guidance film on supporting bereaved children and download their leaflet here. Child Bereavement UK The Child Bereavement UK Helpline continues to operate as normal, providing confidential support, information and guidance to families and professionals. CALL 0800 02 888 40 Child Bereavement UK WEBSITE Email [email protected] Other useful links and helplines for children and young people Childline on 0800 11 11 for 24-hour confidential support to children and young people up to the 19th birthday. WINSTONS WISH offers great advice on how to help children at this time. How to tell them someone has died, how to talk to them about the pandemic and also a helpline if you need to ask for advice. Young Minds on 85258 for 24/7 crisis support. Text YM to 85258. (Texts are free from EE, O2, Vodafone, 3, Virgin Mobile, BT Mobile, GiffGaff, Tesco Mobile and Telecom Plus)
Psychological First Aid (PFA) TRAINING: Training for supporting people during emergencies and offers guidance on delivering psychosocial care in the immediate aftermath of the emergency event, such as the Covid-19 Pandemic. This course has been produced by Public Health England and is based on international guidance from the World Health Organisation, United Nations and partners. Expand Psychological First Aid (PFA) is the globally recommended training for supporting people during emergencies and offers guidance on delivering psychosocial care in the immediate aftermath of the emergency event. On this course, you’ll explore the psychological impact of the COVID-19 pandemic and what you can do to help people cope. The course will teach you the key principles of giving psychological first aid in emergencies. Who is this for? This course is aimed at frontline or essential workers and volunteers dealing with the public during the COVID-19 pandemic. You do not have to be a specialist to deliver PFA. Many people in helping roles will already be delivering PFA without realising it. Those who may benefit from this training include: health and social care staff, first responders e.g. police, ambulance, firefighters, frontline public-sector staff e.g. working in housing and employment services, essential workers e.g. those working in food delivery, funeral care, sanitation, community leaders and groups, volunteers, supervisors and managers supporting staff or volunteers. Those working with children and young people may benefit from more specific training, such as MindEd Courses are available to start now (June 2020) FUTURE LEARN WEBSITE