Skip over main navigation
  • Log in
  • Basket: (0 items)
  • Preventing drastic weight loss in bereavement
AtaLoss.org
  
  • Search
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Twitter
Contact us Donate
  • Twitter
Menu
  • Home
  • About Us
    • What we do
    • Our Needs
    • Our Impact
    • The Team
      • The AtaLoss Team
      • AtaLoss Trustees & Advisers
    • Supporters
      • Our Patron
      • Ambassadors
      • Associates
      • Major Funders
  • Find support
    • Bereavement Services
    • Find Suicide Support
    • Bereavement Resources
    • Counsellor Live Chat
    • Information
      • Practical advice
      • Support for family & children
        • Children, young people & bereavement
          • Losing a child
          • Supporting a bereaved young person
          • Young People & Traumatic Bereavement
          • Parenting after your partner dies
        • Traumatic bereavement
        • Learning disabilities and bereavement
        • Bereavement in old age
        • Supporting Others
        • Counselling : What you need to know
      • Wellbeing & Bereavement
        • Looking after yourself
        • Emotional Stress: Unveiling Hidden Causes of Common Grief Symptoms
        • Nutrition when you are grieving
          • Keep hydrated when you are grieving!
          • Nourish your body when you are grieving
          • Why we can't stomach food when we are grieving
          • Preventing drastic weight loss in grief
          • Rosemary for Remembrance
        • The benefits of gardening when coping with grief
        • Befriending
    • Bereaved during the pandemic?
      • Impact of the pandemic on bereavement
  • We Help Organisations
    • Training to Support Bereaved Young People
    • Churches & Bereavement Friendly Communities
    • Work with us
    • UK bereavement research
    • List your service
  • Ways you can help us
    • Get Involved
      • Friends of AtaLoss
      • Fundraise for us
        • Fundraising ideas
        • AtaLoss.org Fundraisers
      • Volunteer with us
      • Jobs and other opportunities
      • Sign up for our newsletter
      • Tell us what you think
    • Help us help others
      • Different ways to support us
      • Create a Tribute page
      • In Memory Appeal
      • Donate a Funeral Collection
      • Leave a gift in your will
  • Shop
  • News Archive
  • 07976646644
    • Log in
    • Preventing drastic weight loss in bereavement
  • Basket: (0 items)
  • Looking after yourself
  1. Find support
  2. Information

Looking after yourself

Self care when you are bereaved

After the funeral, everyone else's lives seem to go back to normal, and you may be left wondering how you're going to cope. You may feel angry that everyone 'has moved on'. You might find it difficult to cope with managing day-to-day activities such as eating and sleeping. Things like going to work, or social events may seem very difficult and the things you once found important may seem irrelevant. Don't underestimate the impact of grief on you and your well-being. This is the time for you to take extra care of yourself and, most importantly, get support from family, friends or professionals.

AtaLoss is dedicated to helping bereaved people find appropriate local support when they need it. Even if you don't feel as if you need support now, grief is like the waves in the sea. Sometimes it can hit you unexpectedly and long after you have lost your loved one. This is normal. And don't forget that you can always talk to our on-line Griefchat counsellors at any time, as often as you need to or just for reassurance.

Here are a few words of advice;

Give yourself permission to grieve

Although we live in a society which expects us to “be strong” and “carry on”, you need to appreciate the fact that grief is quite needy. It consumes most of your energy and it demands your full attention at all times, whether you like it or not. The only way to move forward and adapt to life without your loved one is to give yourself permission to grieve. Don’t let others define your grief and tell you how you should feel.

Listen to your body

Your body is perfectly capable of letting you know what it needs and when. Listen to it and eat if you feel hungry, drink water if you are thirsty and sleep when you feel tired. Get into the habit of exercising as it improves not just your physical but your mental health as well. When you exercise, your body produces endorphins which lift your mood and improve the way you feel. Learn some breathing exercises and meditation to help you calm down and reduce the stress you are going through.

Don’t bottle up your emotions

Pretending that you are OK when you are not does not make grief disappear. You need to go through the motions and find a healthy way of expressing your feelings. Talking to someone helps and so does grief counselling but if that’s not the way you do things, then there are other ways to help you achieve the same result. Start a journal and write about your feelings and thoughts in it. That would help you to validate your grief and enable you to work though it in a healthy way.

Grief Support

Whilst wanting to withdraw from public life and restrict yourself to the boundaries of your own home is quite normal under the circumstances, you must make an effort to prevent it from becoming a habit. Interacting with others and spending time with those close to you are important parts of the healing process.

Family and friends

Your family, friends and those close to you are your support network and you need to let them be there for you. Give them the chance to do what they can to make life easier for you at this difficult time. Don’t let your pride and independence stay in the way and alienate them. Be proactive and reach out to them. If appropriate, involve them in the funeral planning process, ask for second opinion on decisions you need to make etc. Let them know that they are an important part of your life.

Support groups

If you are not comfortable sharing grief with family and friends, join a local support group or an online one. These groups provide a safe environment in which you can share your feelings and draw inspiration from the experience of others. Grief creates a strong bond between people and you can benefit from being among others who are on the same journey.

GriefChat

GriefChat is a free online service which connects you to a bereavement counsellor who is specially trained to listen to you and to point you in the direction of further help and support. It’s available Monday to Friday, 9am to 9pm and you can benefit from it by clicking on the link HERE

Let others know you are grieving or remembering someone

We've designed a lovely badge that can help you tell others without you having to say anything.  Our Heartsease badge can be worn when you are grieving or to remember your special person on their birthday, an anniversary or special day. Available to buy in our on-line shop HERE.

Here are other ways to look after yourself

Eating Well

Some people lose their appetite when they’re grieving – if this happens, your appetite may start to return when you’ve had time to grieve. Other people might not feel like cooking and start eating unhealthy foods.

Even if you don’t feel like it, try to eat as healthily as you can. Eating healthily will give you the energy to get things done and help you to cope better with day to day life. Sharing food with friends and family can also help you to share your loss which is an important part of the grieving process so do accept invitations to dinner or lunch. If cooking for one is new to you we recommend you try this book written especially for bereaved people on their own. 

Find out more here

Here are other helpful resources about eating and drinking when you are grieving.

Nourish your body when you are grieving

Nutrition when you are bereaved

Rosemary for Remembrance

Why we can't stomach food when we lose a loved one

Top tips to keep well-hydrated when grieving

Food, bereavement and the festive season

Sleeping

Emotional stress such as grief will exhaust you. If you're having trouble sleeping you can visit your GP for temporary support which sleeping tablets offer. But try things such as exercising during the day, avoiding caffeine and alcohol, and going to bed at the same time each night - perhaps a little earlier than usual.

If you are kept awake at night thinking about your loved one, try talking to close friends or family. Talking really helps.

Crying if you want to

Crying is the body's way to reduce stress and soothe itself. It is a normal reaction to sadness and it doesn't matter whether it's days, weeks, months or years after the death. If you feel like crying, try not to question it. If you want to scream, that's OK too although do it where you won't cause alarm.

It's also OK if you don't feel like crying – some people might feel numb with grief. Everyone experiences grief differently and that's an important thing to recognise. So don't feel guilty if someone else cries and you can't. Grief is dealt with in different ways. 

Invest in yourself

It's OK to pamper yourself when you are bereaved. In fact it is essential that you do, and do so without guilt. If, for example, you are a parent supporting grieving children, you may feel you need to focus on the children and ignore your own needs.  This would be a mistake. They need you more than ever and it is important that you are able to be there for them. So spend quality time with children, and also claim quality time for yourself.  Make time to read, walk, have a massage or whatever you feel you need. And ask others to help by having the children for an afternoon, or ask you to go for a walk, help with domestic chores or encourage you to get out. 

Keeping busy is not self care!

It is a natural thing to keep ourselves busy when we are experiencing grief. It serves as a distraction that buries the pain underneath every activity you can pile on top of it. It only helps to make one more day go by which in itself connects to the myth that time heals all wounds. 

But… keeping busy is not self-care. Here are some words of advice;

  • You can try and suppress them or hide from your feelings but in the end this will only prolong the grieving process. Acknowledging your pain and taking responsibility for your feelings will help you avoid the complications often associated with unresolved grief such as depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and health problems.
  • Express your feelings – the most effective way to do this is through some tangible or creative expression of your emotions such as journaling, writing a letter expressing your apologies, forgiveness and the significant emotional statements you wish you had said, or art projects celebrating the person’s life or what you lost.
  • Feel whatever you feel – it’s okay to be angry, to yell at God, to cry or not to cry. It’s also okay to laugh, to find moments of joy, or to let go when you’re ready. Your grief is your own and no one can tell you when you should be “over it” or when to “move on.”
  • Be aware of short-term relievers – these can be food, alcohol/drugs, anger, exercise,TV, movies, books, isolation, sex, shopping, workaholism etc. Most of these are not harmful, in fact some are healthy, but they become harmful when they are used for the wrong reasons… to cover-up, hide or suppress our grief.   

Remember ....

Allowing yourself to grieve is the best form of self-care

There is no 'normal' in grief. Your grief, your feelings are yours. It is best to recognise your feelings whatever they are and tell yourself they are 'your feelings'.  Coming to terms with your loss does not mean 'moving on' and forgetting your loved one. It means you will learn to live the life that you have now and cherish the memory of the one you have lost in new ways.

Published: 19th September, 2019

Updated: 28th June, 2022

Author: Jane Woodward

Share this page
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Twitter

Latest

  • The Anniversary of the death of the Queen

    The Anniversary of the death of the Queen

    We reflect on the year that has passed since Queen Elizabeth died and the grief the event triggered for many many people.

  • Message to replace 404

  • What is effective bereavement support?

    What is effective bereavement support?

    We explain what bereavement support IS and what it IS NOT and how AtaLoss can help.

  • More funding needed for bereavement support

    More funding needed for bereavement support

    AtaLoss, the national UK bereavement signposting and information charity has issued a significant call to the Government and grant funders to commit now to funding grief support to save the public purse.

Related

  • The Anniversary of the death of the Queen

    The Anniversary of the death of the Queen

    We reflect on the year that has passed since Queen Elizabeth died and the grief the event triggered for many many people.

  • What is effective bereavement support?

    What is effective bereavement support?

    We explain what bereavement support IS and what it IS NOT and how AtaLoss can help.

  • More funding needed for bereavement support

    More funding needed for bereavement support

    AtaLoss, the national UK bereavement signposting and information charity has issued a significant call to the Government and grant funders to commit now to funding grief support to save the public purse.

  • Traumatic bereavement

    Traumatic bereavement

    Traumatic events are usually out of our control. Traumatic deaths are often sudden, can impact others immediately and in the long term in different ways. READ MORE

  • Getting your affairs in order before you die

    Getting your affairs in order before you die

    'Your Last Gift' is a practical step-by-step guide to getting your paperwork together, to help your loved ones deal easily with the 'sadmin' after your death. It has received excellent reviews. READ MORE HERE

  • Get bereavement support in your community

    Get bereavement support in your community

    Join the next online The Bereavement Journey course run by AtaLoss or find your local face to face course HERE

  • Grief disguised as mental ill-health

    Grief disguised as mental ill-health

    It's time to sort out the confusion between grief and mental ill health. Bereavement is a significant contributor to the mental ill health crisis. READ MORE HERE.

  • Your Last Gift - Getting Your Affairs in Order

    Your Last Gift - Getting Your Affairs in Order

    BOOK: A practical guide to making life easy for your family and friends after your death. It will help you rest easy too knowing you have done everything to help them. A great book to read during 'Dying Matters' Week

  • Preventing drastic weight loss in grief

    Preventing drastic weight loss in grief

    Why keeping to a routine is the key to keeping your weight steady when you are grieving

  • The Snowdrop Tree

    BOOK: How to help a child through bereavement; a story with outdoor activities for adults and children to share

Most read

  • Talk to a Bereavement Counsellor

    Talk to a Bereavement Counsellor

    Click here to find out more about and access this free service.

  • Why we can't stomach food when we lose a loved one

    Why we can't stomach food when we lose a loved one

    Sabine Horner considers the impact of bereavement on our digestive system and offers some advice to help. FIND OUT MORE.

  • All about AtaLoss

    All about AtaLoss

    The UK's signposting service for finding local and national bereavement support services and information tailored to suit bereaved people

  • How to deal with someone's belongings after they have died

    How to deal with someone's belongings after they have died

    Most of us value our relationships far more than our possessions. When a death robs us of an important relationship, their belongings can assume great significance for us and others. Here are some helpful tips if you are needed to help sort them out.

  • Sands - Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Charity

    Sands - Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Charity

    SANDS is a charity that provides support for parents and research following the death of a baby.

  • The Bereavement Journey® - Nationwide

    The Bereavement Journey® - Nationwide

    Run over 6-7 weeks, The Bereavement Journey is a great place to talk and will help anyone coming to terms with a bereavement.

  • Looking after yourself

    Looking after yourself

    How to take care of you when you are bereaved. READ MORE HERE.

  • Look here if you need help urgently

    Look here if you need help urgently

    Helplines you can call

  • Churches & Community Bereavement Support (including The Bereavement Journey).

    Churches & Community Bereavement Support (including The Bereavement Journey).

    Churches across the country are providing a focus for bereavement support. We have launched our newly refreshed and updated resources, as well as training and support for any Church wanting to provide bereavement support for people of all faiths in its community.

  • Cruse Scotland

    Bereavement counselling and telephone support across Scotland

Tag cloud

Article Biography blog Children Factual Novel Poetry Reflection Story website
Tell us what you think

Tell us what you think

Your feedback will enable us to provide the best possible service. Please take a few minutes to complete our feedback form HERE Read more

Published: 1st January, 2019

Updated: 22nd August, 2023

Author: Jane Woodward

All about AtaLoss

All about AtaLoss

The UK's signposting service for finding local and national bereavement support services and information tailored to suit bereaved people Read more

Published: 20th June, 2019

Updated: 13th March, 2023

Author: Jane Woodward

Our impact

Our impact

The difference we make Read more

Published: 20th June, 2019

Updated: 22nd June, 2023

Author: Jane Woodward

Help us help bereaved people find support and well-being.

Help us help bereaved people find support and well-being.

Make a one off or regular donation to help bereaved people find support, or in memory of someone you have lost. Please note your donation here will go to support the work of AtaLoss which runs this website. If you wish to donate to another charity please go direct to their website and donate from there. Read more

Donate Fundraise

Published: 1st October, 2019

Updated: 11th May, 2023

Author: Jane Woodward

Back to top

Sign up for our newsletter

We provide the UK's one-stop-shop for signposting bereaved people to support
For information about how we use your data please see our Privacy Policy

Find us

Registered Office
AtaLoss.org
PO Box 824
CHICHESTER
PO19 9WW

[email protected]

Links

  • Sitemap
  • Accessibility
  • Terms & Conditions
  • Privacy Policy
  • Report a website problem

Follow us

  • Search
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Twitter

Registered as Charity number 1169269  
Donations to charities can be gift aided which allows us to claim an additional 25% of the donation amount from HMRC at no cost to donors

Manage Cookie Preferences