Remembering your Mum when she has died

Mothering Sunday for anyone who has lost their Mum is one of the toughest days of the year. 

Mother's Day as most of us call it, is a day to celebrate the woman who has been central to our life since we were born. But if we were bereaved of our Mum - however long ago that was - finding ourselves surrounded by adverts selling flowers, chocolates and cards, can be a distressing reminder of a death.

But there are things you can do on Mother’s Day to mark your mum’s life. 

1. Do what feels right for you

Think about how you want to spend the day. You might want to spend time being with friends and family who are also remembering her, or speaking to them over the phone or perhaps prefer to be on your own. Do what feels right for you and similarly understand others in the family decide to do something different.

2. Don’t be ashamed of normal emotions

Be aware of unexpected emotions which come to the surface at times like this. Just let them come. They are quite normal when you are grieving.

3. Send a card or flowers or plant something special in your garden

You can still do this. You could write a card to your Mum to tell her how you feel. Take the card and flowers to your mum’s grave or her special place, or just keep them at home, so you can see them and think of her. Doing something lasting and special is a good way to mark Mother's Day. You could plant something in your garden - perhaps a plant that your Mum loved- that will remind you of her. It will grow and each year you will have something to enjoy that reminds you of her.

4. Make a cake

We love this cake! Nigella's Rosemary for remembrance cake is perfect with tea and a lovely thing to do in honour of your Mum. Invite a few family members or friends around to share the cake and reminisce about your Mum. You can find the recipe here. 

Rosemary Cake

5. Write a letter

Writing things down can be really helpful, especially if you are feeling mixed up. Writing a letter to your mum can help you unscramble things and help you feel closer to her.

6. Remember the happy times

Mother’s Day is a good time to look through photos of your mum and remember the happy times you spent together. You might like to do this with other family members, who can share memories of your mum. It's good to talk about someone who you have lost. They were important to you.

7. Ignore the day 

If you’re struggling do something that makes you happy and that you enjoy – maybe that’s baking, watching a Netflix show, or go for a walk. Mother's Day is a Sunday so you could simply relax, do nothing or read a book. 

AtaLoss is here for you if things get too much

Sometimes it takes years for us to confront our grief and do something to help resolve it. If that's you, you will be in good company! It's never too late to find support so use AtaLoss as a resource to find the support that can help you. It’s important to do what feels right for you - everyone grieves differently.

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